(bold words are clickable links)
What..in…the…F*** was that?
Something ruthless just tried to take my life away.
One minute I was baking kale, next thing I had breast cancer. Triple Negative Breast Cancer to be exact, Stage 2. I just finished 36 rounds of radiation, and before that: a double mastectomy with reconstruction, six rounds of chemotherapy (carboplatin-taxol) with neulasta injections & lupron as well, fertility treatments, a lumpectomy, a couple of biopsies & other necessary scans (MRI, Bone, PetCT, Brain, Blood, etc.etc..) and way too many blood draws and the many side effects from EVERY single thing (alopecia, neuropathy, anemia etcetcetc) …OH, my first mammogram, and finding out I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene, which can be passed down to any future children I may have.
And that’s all not so bad compared to some of the other cancer patients I’ve met along the way, suffering from far more complicated and chronic disease. I can’t even think of them without feeling upset and angry…so ****ing angry that I can’t help. How can I help them? We’re all in this together right? How can we help each other? We all just want to live…I hope I can figure out how to make myself useful to serve and support others dealing with cancer.
What I will do is continually be grateful for my life, SO GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE…though I’ll forever have to be monitored for anything unusual besides the normal unusual :), I hope to live long, old & grey with my incredible husband, future children, and become a great grandmother. That’s all. Is that too much to ask for? Yes I want to raise awareness, return the love and support that has been shared with me, but man oh man I’m going to live the cancer right out of my life….I’m going to fill up my life with SO much LOVE and stupid vegetables, there will simply be NO room for anything else, but GOODNESS. And maybe some bacon, grass fed, organic bacon.
I want to live to see the day when cancer will be a thing of the past.
Its all so unfair. Ya know, my treatment center alone was always so packed and full of cancer patients, its horrible. Absolutely curse word horrible. I don’t even know what to say really…I was going to blog during treatment, but decided not to. Then I thought I should because it might be helpful for me, and for others, then I didn’t. I still don’t know what use of this blogging about cancer from my point of view would be, I’m not brave or have any insight to prevent this from happening to anyone else. I could tell you all day to go in for your check ups, but at the end of the day its all on whatever you want to do. I’ve reminded my family and friends, and they still haven’t bothered to get checked up.
If you have never walked through a cancer treatment center, for adults and or children, you should….cancer is real and closer than I ever thought it’d be. Donate, be aware of your body, and most importantly, don’t be judgmental, you never know what someone is going through, surround yourself with love and good people. I don’t know that I can sum up how I’m feeling, but a good piece of advice I was given from a 17 year breast cancer survivor is, live as if.
P.P.S. Some women who I’ve met online, in REAL LIFE :), or who I wish I could’ve met, women I respect dealing with their own personal fight with cancer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1SI3V1Ar20 (rest in peace)
When I can think of more, I will definitely share…or if you can think of others, please share.
Special thank yous to everyone who have been so very supportive, all of the kind words, generous donations, and loving vibes…making this whole “thing” brighter and less scary for my husband and I. I hope you all know how much all of it means to us Joneses.
Part of me hopes to never see another Rohawk (before chemo, I was advised to shave my hair off before it starts to fall off, less traumatic & messy, so my husband decided to show his support by letting me shave his head and dye his Rohawk pink, what a sweet husband) ever again, but I also like that it helps bring up the conversation of cancer and the importance of early detection. 🙂 Thank you husband, UnkleRupert,TheCheeseyGaming, Laughing Banshee…forever appreciate the support.
*I’m really sensitive, and it took me a lot to get this blog entry up, so please don’t be negative. I’m not trying to be a professional writer or am I trying to prove anything. I do want to be helpful and share what I’ve experienced and am experiencing to help at least one person. Truly hoping I can share something that can help someone else with this blog, maybe even if that only person is me. 😛 I personally found it very useful reading through other patient’s blogs before and during treatment.
SO, I am not open to criticism, bullying or anything of the like. Just please move on without causing anything but love, smiles and kindness.
Thanks for being a part of my recovery….